Zombie State of Mind

I was basically a **zombie** by the time I got to Tyler's pool party. Three hours of sleep after binge-watching horror movies will do that to you. My eyes were basically vibrating in their sockets, and I was moving through the crowd like I was underwater.

"Dude, you look wrecked," Marcus said, smirking as he shoved a red plastic cup into my hand. "Join the club."

I made my way to the edge of the pool, where **water** rippled with the movement of bodies—laughing, splashing, showing off. Jordan was there, of course. Jordan was always there, looking effortless in a way that made my stomach do actual gymnastics. Their wet hair dripped onto their shoulders, and I suddenly forgot how to human.

"Hey!" Jordan called, waving me over. "We're playing **spinach** roulette!"

"Which is what, exactly?" I asked, sitting on the edge and letting my feet dangle in the cool water.

"My mom's spinach artichoke dip," Marcus explained, holding up a Tupperware. "But someone definitely put extra hot sauce in it. Last person to spit it out wins Jordan's last **cable** knit sweater."

I stared at him. "That's the weirdest bet I've ever heard."

"You're just scared you'll lose," Jordan teased, eyes locking with mine. My face somehow got hotter even as my feet stayed cool.

"Total **bull**," I said, trying to sound casual. "I'm not scared of anything."

Oh, I was scared. I was scared of the dip, I was scared of making a fool of myself, I was scared that Jordan would figure out I'd been lowkey obsessed with them since seventh grade health class. But Marcus was already scooping a suspiciously green mound onto a chip.

"First round," he announced. "Going once..."

I grabbed the chip before I could overthink it. The dip burned like actual fire, but I kept my face straight. Jordan's eyes widened, impressed. Behind me, someone cannonballed into the pool, sending a wave of **water** over my back.

"Okay, that was actually kind of hardcore," Jordan said, grinning. "You're not as boring as you look."

"I'll take that as a compliment," I managed, still breathing through the spinach-induced flames.

And for the first time all day, I didn't feel like a **zombie** anymore. I felt present. I felt the cool **water** against my skin, the burn of spicy **spinach**, the weight of Jordan's attention. I felt awake.

Sometimes the scariest things aren't horror movies or embarrassing moments. Sometimes it's just letting yourself actually be seen.

"Again," I said, reaching for another chip. "But someone else's turn this time."