Zombie Mode

The Florida heat had reduced me to what my friends called zombie mode — eyes half-lidded, limbs moving through molasses, brain operating on minimum power. Summer before freshman year of high school, and I'd spent six weeks scrolling TikTok in air-conditioned darkness while my group chat blew up with plans I was too anxious to join.

"Yo, Marcus, you coming or what?"

Javier stood in my doorway holding a padel racket. The sport had taken over our friend group overnight — tennis meets squash, played in cages on what used to be the basketball courts. Everyone was obsessed. Everyone except me, because sports meant coordination and coordination meant embarrassment.

"I don't know, man..."

"Crystal's gonna be there." He raised his eyebrows. Twice.

That was the problem with having friends since kindergarten — they knew exactly which buttons to push. Crystal Nguyen, who I'd had a hopeless crush on since seventh grade, who'd somehow transformed from quiet chess club kid to confident padel prodigy over summer break.

The courts were packed. Heat radiated off the artificial turf as Javier and I faced off against Crystal and her cousin. Within minutes, my shirt clung to my back like a second skin. But something weird happened — every time I missed, someone laughed with me, not at me. Every time I connected with the ball, genuine cheers erupted. Crystal gave me a fist bump after I managed a solid backwall shot.

"Not bad for a zombie," she said.

I felt something crack open in my chest — possibility.

After the game, we ended up at Chloe's pool. Girls clustered on the patio, guys doing cannonballs off the diving board. I stood at the edge, nursing my social anxiety like it was a rare disease.

Then Crystal splashed up beside me, water streaming down her face. "You know you're overthinking everything, right?"

"What?"

"You think everyone's watching. They're not. They're all worrying about themselves." She waved toward the chaos of splashing teenagers. "Look at them. No one's performing. Everyone's just... being."

She dove backward, disappearing beneath the blue surface.

I looked around. Really looked. Tyler was doing an embarrassing chicken dance in the shallow end. Maya had her braces headgear on and didn't care. Nobody was watching. Nobody was judging.

I jumped in.

The shock of cold water snapped something awake inside me — not zombie mode anymore. Just some kid figuring it out, one cannonball at a time.