What We Swallow

Marcus arranged his vitamins in the morning like a sacrament. Vitamin D for his bones, omega-3 for his heart, CoQ10 for something he'd read about in an article. The ritual had begun after his brother's heart attack at forty-two, but now it was just another way their marriage had calcified into routine.

"You're going to be late for your match," Elena said, not looking up from her coffee. She used to watch him dress for padel with something approximating desire. Now she mostly checked her watch.

"It's with the new client," Marcus said, swallowing the handful of pills with water that was always too cold. "The one who owns that hedge fund. He's intense. A bear of a man, apparently."

"Everything's a transaction with you," she said, and the words hung there like something that had been said too many times before.

The padel court was glass-walled and climate-controlled, another church where men sealed deals between volleys. Marcus met his opponent there—massive, graying, with hands that could crush the racquet. They played in silence, the ball echoing against glass, each hit a question Marcus couldn't quite form.

Afterward, in the locker room, the man mentioned his divorce. Three years, he said, before he realized his ex-wife had been sleeping with his business partner for all of them. "The vitamins don't help," he said, pulling on his suit. "The working out, the competitive sports. You think you're outrunning it, but mortality is already in the room with you."

Marcus drove home with the windows down, his vitamins sitting in his stomach like stones. Elena was in the garden when he arrived, deadheading roses with fierce precision.

"Your client," she said without turning. "Did you close it?"

"He told me his wife left him," Marcus said. "For his partner. Three years ago."

Elena's hands stilled. She turned, and for the first time in months, Marcus saw something like terror in her eyes. Or perhaps it was relief.

"Three years," she repeated softly. "That's when we stopped."

"Stopped what?"

"Trying. The vitamins, the ovulation kits, all of it." She dropped the pruning shears. "I couldn't watch you age another twenty years waiting for something that wasn't going to happen."

The bear of mortality was in the garden with them now, massive and patient.

"I didn't want the baby," Marcus said, the truth coming out like something he'd swallowed years ago. "I wanted whatever you wanted."

Elena laughed, and it sounded like something breaking. "So we both took our vitamins and pretended."

Marcus took her hand. Neither of them pulled away. "No more pretending."

The roses bloomed around them, oblivious, while something new and terrifying began to grow in the space where all their lies had been.