What We Leave Behind

The dinner party had been Elena's idea—her way of marking three months since Julian left. Maya hadn't wanted to come, but Elena had insisted. "You need to get back out there, Maya. Stop swimming in your own head." So here she was, picking at a wilted spinach salad that tasted like regret, listening to Sarah describe her new promotion.

"I mean, it's basically the same job but with better hours," Sarah was saying, her hair falling in perfect waves around her shoulders. Maya remembered when Sarah's hair had been short and jagged, cut in a bathroom the night they all graduated college. That Sarah had been capable of surprise. This Sarah ordered spinach salads because they were "practical."

"Earth to Maya," Elena said, tapping her wine glass. "You okay over there?"

"Fine," Maya said. "Just... thinking about Julian."

The table went quiet. Sarah's fork hovered halfway to her mouth. This was the problem with having friends who knew everything—there was nowhere to hide.

"He texted me," Maya added, even though she hadn't planned to say it. The words just slipped out, like they'd been waiting all night.

"When?" Elena asked. "What did he say?"

"Yesterday. He wants to get coffee. Talk."

"Don't do it," Sarah said, setting down her fork with a clink. "He made his choice. Let him live with it."

But Maya was already remembering the way Julian used to watch her while she slept, how he'd memorized the pattern of her moles, the particular silkiness of the hair at the nape of her neck. Things Sarah couldn't know about, not really. No one could.

"I miss him," Maya said softly. "I miss being known like that."

"You'll be known again," Elena said, reaching across the table to squeeze Maya's hand. "But not by him. Not anymore."

Later, Maya would text Julian back: *No coffee. But thank you for asking.* She would delete his number. She would go swimming in the ocean at dawn, let the salt water strip her clean. But for now, she just nodded and finished her spinach, letting herself believe, just for a moment, that Elena was right.