What We Keep

Elena placed the bottle of prenatal vitamins on the kitchen counter, next to his keys. They'd expired three years ago—around the time they stopped trying, around the time he started working late. She'd swallowed them anyway, a small superstition. If she kept taking them, maybe the universe would misunderstand their persistence as faith.

"You're being ridiculous," Sarah said over wine two nights ago. Sarah, her oldest friend, who'd listened to every variation of this story for eighteen months. "He's not coming back. The goldfish has a better memory than you do."

The goldfish—a carnival prize they'd won on their first date—swam in its bowl on the windowsill. She'd named it Lucky. Mark had laughed. She'd thought it was charming, his willingness to carry a bowl through a crowded fairgrounds, his hand warm on her back. Now she wondered if he'd just wanted her to think so. Some people learned how to be loved; others learned how to be seen loving.

A fox appeared at the edge of the garden, picking through the scattered birdseed. Lean, russet fur matted from rain. It moved with that particular hunger that made everything look like prey or potential. She watched it through the kitchen window, still holding the vitamin bottle. The fox glanced up, eyes bright and indifferent, then slipped through the fence gap and was gone.

She'd always loved that about foxes—they made no apologies. Mark had apologized constantly, a litany of sorrys that meant nothing because nothing changed. Sorry I missed dinner. Sorry I forgot your birthday. Sorry, sorry, sorry. The word had worn thin, like currency used too many times.

Sarah's voice echoed in her head: "What are you waiting for?"

The vitamins clattered as she dropped them in the trash bag. Lucky swam another lazy circle, oblivious to being the last remnant of something that had already died. Tomorrow she'd bring the bowl to Sarah's house. Her daughter had been wanting a pet.

Tonight, Elena would pour the rest of the wine down the sink. Tomorrow, she'd start forgetting.