The Vitamin D Bull Session

Jordan sat on the edge of the bathtub while his best friend since third grade, Kai, dramatically swallowed a handful of neon-colored pills.

"Dude, you're gonna turn into a pharmaceutical," Jordan said, scrolling through TikTok. "That's gotta be, what, your eighth vitamin today?"

"They're not vitamins, they're LIFESTYLE SUPPLEMENTS," Kai corrected, doing an unnecessary bicep curl in the mirror. "This one's for focus, this one's for energy, this one's for—"

"For draining your bank account?"

Kai rolled his eyes so hard Jordan practically saw his brain. "You're just mad because you're still rocking the same haircut from eighth grade while I'm out here optimizing."

That was the thing about Kai—ever since he started watching those fitness influencers, he'd been acting like he was already some kind of CEO. The worst part was that Jordan's parents had bought into it too. "Why can't you be more like Kai?" his mom had asked that morning. "He's so HEALTHY."

Healthy. Right.

The real bull session happened later at Maya's party. Jordan spotted Kai across the room, holding court with a gaggle of girls, talking about his "wellness journey" and the "ancient wisdom" behind his supplement routine. Jordan cringed so hard it physically hurt.

"Is he serious?" Maya asked, appearing beside Jordan with two sodas. "He just told Sarah that collagen cured his social anxiety."

"He's always had social anxiety?" Jordan asked.

"Exactly. Total bull."

Jordan thought about confronting him—about calling out the fake vibes and the supplement pyramid scheme energy—but then he noticed Kai's hands shaking a little as he held court. The way his laugh didn't quite reach his eyes. The same Jordan underneath all the performance art.

So instead of calling him out, Jordan walked over and draped an arm around Kai's shoulders. "Yo, this guy's talking about vitamins but won't tell you about the time he cried watching that puppy video in seventh grade."

Kai's face turned bright red. The girls laughed—but not at him. With him.

"Bro, WHAT?" Kai protested, but his shoulders relaxed.

Later, as they walked home under streetlights, Kai was quiet. Then: "Thanks for not letting me be too much of a dick tonight."

"What are friends for?" Jordan shrugged. "But seriously, those vitamins are giving you weird energy."

"Yeah," Kai admitted. "I think I'm gonna cut back to just a multivitamin. Maybe."

"Progress."