The Strings We Keep

The ethernet cable behind Marcus's desk was still warm when I found it, coiled like a dead snake against the gray carpet. He'd left at noon yesterday—'personal emergency,' the email said—without saying goodbye to me, though we'd been playing padel every Tuesday for six months and sleeping together since March.

I stood there in my apartment Sunday with a bag of spinach wilting in my refrigerator. I'd bought it intending to make him dinner, trying to be the kind of woman who cooks healthy meals instead of ordering takeout at 11 PM. The spinach mocked me from the crisper drawer, a testament to how thoroughly I'd rearranged my life around someone who couldn't even untangle his own cables before leaving.

We'd met at the company padel court, back when I still believed HR's warnings about fraternization were just bureaucratic nonsense. Marcus served with precision but played without joy, everything calculated. I found myself leaning into his game, matching his efficiency, thinking his control meant stability. Instead, it meant he could disconnect without notice.

The night before he left, we'd eaten at my place. I'd made spanakopita with that spinach—my mother's recipe, the one I never cook because it takes three hours. He'd picked at it, checking his phone between bites, some cable management crisis at work that couldn't wait until morning.

I should have known then. A man who can't disconnect from work can't connect to a person. We're all just cables to him—plug in, transmit, unplug when the signal degrades.

Now I'm playing padel alone against the wall, my racquet cutting through the humid evening air. With every stroke, I imagine severing something—the emails I'll stop sending, the social media I'll stop checking, the grief I'll stop performing for an audience that doesn't exist.

The spinach sits on my counter, not wilting anymore, just resigned. I'll cook it for myself tonight. The first step toward unplugging is learning to nourish your own system without waiting for someone else to complete the circuit.