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The Orange Bear on the Nightstand

zombieorangebearlightningcable

She had become a zombie, really. Not the flesh-eating kind, but the modern office variety — married to a spreadsheet for twelve years, moving through quarterly projections like she was underwater. Sharon pressed her forehead against the window of her apartment, watching the lightning arc across the Chicago sky in brilliant forks that made her pulse jump.

On the nightstand beside her bed sat the orange bear, a threadbare thing she'd won at a carnival in 2008. That night, David had held her hand while cotton candy melted on their tongues. They'd both been drunk on craft beer and possibility. Now the bear was all she had left of that version of herself, that woman who still believed love could withstand distance and time zones and the gradual erosion of intimacy.

Her phone buzzed. Another Teams message from her boss at 11:47 PM.

Sharon considered the bear's plastic eyes, dulled with age. It had been three months since David told her, over coffee, that he'd met someone else. Three months of waking up to apartments that felt too large and beds that felt too empty. Three months of running on caffeine and spite, her emotional range reduced to two settings: numb and frantic.

The cable from the wall frayed where her cat — David's cat, technically — had chewed through the outer casing. Just another thing she kept meaning to fix and never did.

A particularly brilliant flash of lightning illuminated the room, and for a moment, she saw it all with terrible clarity: the spreadsheet on her laptop glowing on the desk, the bear, the divorce papers she'd been too cowardly to sign. The orange bear stared back, its mouth a stitched smile that looked more like a grimace now.

Somewhere in the distance, thunder rolled like stones tumbling down a mine shaft. Sharon pressed her palm to the glass, feeling the storm's vibration through the frame, through her bones. For the first time in months, something stirred beneath the numbness. The bear watched. The lightning flashed. She didn't move toward her laptop.

Tomorrow, she told herself. Tomorrow she would sign the papers. Tomorrow she would quit. But for tonight, she let herself be human again, caught in the electric moment between destruction and beginning.