The Goldfish on the windowsill

The apartment was too quiet now. David stood before the bathroom mirror, adjusting his fedora—it was a ridiculous affectation, he knew, a hat he'd bought three months into his separation when he decided to become someone else. Someone more interesting. Someone who wore fedoras.

In the sink, Leonard the goldfish swam his endless laps, oblivious to the fact that David had forgotten to feed him for four days running. The orange fish had been Mara's idea, purchased during that fragile month when they'd tried to save their marriage with small gestures. Leonard had outlasted the couples counseling. Leonard had outlasted Mara herself, who'd left six Tuesdays ago with two suitcases and half the furniture.

"At least you're still here," David said to the fish.

Leonard ignored him, swimming toward the glass, mouth opening and closing in silent judgment.

David's phone buzzed on the counter. His mother, again. Have you found a new place yet? Your father's worried about the neighborhood. He didn't answer. The truth was, he couldn't afford to move. The divorce had gutted him financially—emotionally too, but the money was what hurt right now.

He'd gone from being a husband to being a man who swam through rooms that felt too large, who ate takeout chinese on a couch that had once belonged to two people. The orange glow of streetlights through the blinds reminded him of Mara's lipstick on napkins, on wine glasses, on the note she'd left.

David reached into his pocket and pulled out the small velvet box he'd been carrying for three weeks. The ring inside was worth more than his car. He'd meant to give it to her on their anniversary, make some grand gesture that would fix everything. Then she'd told him she'd been sleeping with her coworker for eight months.

He dropped the box into the trash.

The fedora felt like a costume. David took it off and set it on the counter beside Leonard's bowl.

"We're just swimming in circles, aren't we?" he asked.

Leonard paused, turned, and swam back the other way.

David nodded. That was something like an answer.