The Fourth Inning

The baseball field stretched before me like a memory I couldn't quite hold onto — that perfect emerald green I'd once taken for granted, when Sunday afternoons meant something more than this hollow ritual. Max, my golden retriever, nudged my hand with that relentless optimism only dogs possess. He didn't know his owner had become something else entirely.

My iPhone buzzed against the aluminum bleacher — another email from David, my boss, who seemed incapable of understanding boundaries. 'Quick check-in,' it read, sent at 2:17 PM on a Sunday. I'd stopped being angry three months ago. Now, I just felt the slow erosion of something essential, like coastal sand claimed by indifferent tide.

Below us, the players moved through motions I'd memorized as a child. The crack of a bat against ball still stirred something in my chest — a ghost of the excitement I'd felt at ten, watching my father point out the mechanics of a perfect swing. He'd died last winter. I'd attended his funeral via Zoom from a conference room in Chicago, my camera off, microphone muted.

'You're like a zombie,' Sarah had said the night she left, three wine glasses into a conversation I'd barely participated in. 'You're here, but you're not anywhere.' She was right. I'd become an expert at appearing present while my mind catalogued deadlines, drafted responses, calculated the cost of living.

Max whined softly, resting his head on my knee. His eyes held that unconditional devotion that made my chest ache. He was the only living thing that still demanded my presence, not my productivity. The baseball game continued — innings ticking away like the hours I'd never get back.

I opened the email. Started typing. Then Max licked my hand, that rough tongue pulling me somewhere real. I set the phone face down on the bleacher beside me.

The sun was warm. Max's fur smelled of grass and sunshine. For the first time in months, I watched the game. Really watched it. The batter connected. The ball arced toward the fence. And for four seconds, I forgot I was supposed to be anywhere else.