The Day I Stopped Drowning

I felt like a zombie walking into school that Monday—three hours of sleep will do that to you. My iphone buzzed in my pocket like a nervous heartbeat, but I ignored it. I knew what the notifications were anyway: the group chat blowing up about what happened at Jake's party.

'Hey,' Mia said, falling into step beside me at my locker. 'You okay? You look... dead.'

'Just tired.' I slammed my locker shut harder than necessary. 'You going to padel practice today?'

Mia hesitated. That tiny pause said everything. 'Actually, Sarah and I were thinking of grabbing boba instead. You want to come?' Another pause. 'Or... you know, if you need space...'

The word friend suddenly felt like the heaviest thing I'd ever carried. Last night, I'd finally told Jake—my Jake, my best friend since we were seven—that I liked him. Like, liked him. He'd looked at me with this frozen expression, mumbled something about not wanting to ruin our friendship, and then practically sprinted away.

Now everyone knew. The group chat. The screenshots. The whispers.

'I'm good,' I told Mia. 'I think I'll go to the rec center. Swimming clears my head.'

The pool was empty except for Mrs. Chen, who nodded at me from the front desk. I changed into my suit and stood at the edge, staring down at the blue. The smell of chlorine hit me—sharp, chemical, familiar.

I dove.

Underwater, everything muted. The chaotic thoughts about Jake and Sarah and whether things would ever be normal again dissolved into the rhythmic sound of my own breathing, the cool pressure against my skin, the way my arms pulled through the water in steady, predictable strokes.

Back and forth. Lap after lap.

Somewhere around lap twenty, I realized something: I was still here. The world hadn't ended. My chest ached, but not from drowning anymore.

I pulled myself out of the pool, water streaming down my face, and grabbed my towel. My iphone screen lit up with a new message:

Jake: Can we talk?

I stared at it for a long moment. Then I typed back: Not yet. But thanks for asking.

And for the first time that day, I didn't feel like a zombie at all. I felt like someone who was going to be okay.