Swimming Upstream

The red Solo cup in my hand trembled. First party. Finally. Junior year, and Maya actually invited me.

"Yo, Marcus! Try this!" Jake slung an arm around my shoulders, reeking of Axe body spray and confidence. He shoved a bowl toward me. "Goldfish snacks. But like, the expensive ones with the cheddar baked in. Not mid."

I grabbed a handful, crunching nervously. My goldfish at home, Bubbles, had more game than me. At least she could swim in circles without overthinking every fin movement.

Across the room, Maya laughed at something Chad said. Chad, who had lettered in varsity football. Chad, whose nickname was literally "The Bull" because he'd bulldozed through our defense last season. I was just Marcus, who lettered in avoiding eye contact in hallways.

" Dude, you good?" Jake asked. "You look like a zombie. Finals week got you sleep-deprived or something?"

"Something like that," I muttered. Actually, I'd spent all night practicing conversation starters in my mirror. *Hey Maya, nice party. Nice... punch. Nice... ceiling.*

Then Maya appeared beside me. "Hey! I'm so glad you came!" She was holding a slice of something neon orange. "You have to try this. My aunt's from Hawaii and she brought papaya. Have you ever had it? It's literally life-changing."

"Uh, no," I said.

"Here!" She pressed the fruit into my hand. Our fingers brushed. My brain short-circuited.

I took a bite. Sweet, musky, weirdly familiar. "It's... interesting?"

Maya laughed, and it was this genuine sound that made something in my chest unlock. "That's a polite 'this tastes like sweaty socks.' It's an acquired taste, like..." She grinned. "Like high school parties."

"Yeah," I found myself saying. "Kind of awkward at first, but..."

"But you grow into it?" She bumped my shoulder with hers. "Hey, Bubbles texts me about you all the time. Says you're really into aquariums."

Bubbles. Her actual name was Brianna, but everyone called her Bubbles because she was always, well, bubbly. She was in my bio class.

"Yeah, I guess," I said, feeling myself actually smile. "I mean, fish are just... easier than people. They don't judge if you say something weird."

"True," Maya said, studying me. "You know what? You're not a zombie, Marcus. You're just... hibernating. Like, waiting for the right season."

I looked at her—really looked at her—and realized the goldfish crackers were stale, the papaya was actually kind of growing on me, and maybe, just maybe, I didn't have to be a bull charging through everything to belong.

"So," Maya said, "wanna help me rescue Chad from telling the same football story for the fiftieth time?"

"Lead the way," I said.

And for the first time all night, I didn't overthink the next step.