Swimming in Circles

The carnival goldfish lived for exactly three days before doing that floating thing dead fish do. I'd won it for Emma by tossing a baseball into a peach basket—literally my one athletic moment ever—and now I was texting her from my iPhone, trying to sound casual about its demise.

"RIP Goldie," I typed. "Wanna come over? My brother got these insane vitamin gummies that taste like toxic waste."

She didn't reply. That was the thing about Emma—she'd look at me with those eyes that made my chest feel weird, like I'd swallowed something alive, but then she'd ghost my texts for days. Meanwhile, my actual dog Buster kept nosing my leg, sensing my teenage misery like he was some emotional support animal I'd never asked for.

The truth was, I'd kept the goldfish in a mixing bowl because I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't have a real aquarium. I'd tried to feed it crushed vitamin C tablets because I read somewhere fish needed nutrients, which probably explains why it died so fast. I was basically a fish murderer.

Emma finally texted back: "lol thats tragic"

I threw my iPhone onto my bed and took Buster for a walk, passing the baseball field where varsity practice was happening. Those guys moved like they owned everything—their cleats, their girlfriends, their futures. I used to play baseball before I grew six inches and lost all coordination.

When I got home, my mom was watching me with that look parents give when they know something's wrong but don't want to make it weird.

"You okay, honey?"

"Fine. The fish died."

"Oh." She hesitated. "There's another carnival next weekend if you want to try again."

I thought about Emma, about the way she'd smiled when I handed her that plastic bag with the fish swimming in confused circles. How for three days, I'd had something to talk to her about. Maybe that was the point—not the fish, but the reason to reach out.

"Maybe," I said, and for the first time in weeks, something in my chest didn't feel so heavy. Like maybe I was finally swimming in the right direction.