Summer of the Living Tired

I felt like a zombie. Not the cool, movie kind with dramatic makeup and a tragic backstory — just a sophomore who'd survived finals week on three hours of sleep and questionable life choices.

"You good, Maya?" Lena asked, flopping onto the lounge chair next to mine. She was terrifyingly put together, her skin glowing like she'd actually been drinking water instead of surviving on iced coffee and anxiety like the rest of us.

"Never been better," I lied. "Just vibing."

The pool party was in full swing. Someone's older brother had a house, which meant we were all pretending to be cooler than we actually were. I'd spent two hours getting ready, only to spend the last forty minutes hyperventilating in the bathroom because Tyler was here.

Tyler. Who had smiled at me in chem on Thursday and now I couldn't remember how to human.

"Try this," Lena said, shoving something colorful at my face. "It's papaya. My mom's obsessed with antioxidants now."

I took a bite. It tasted like confused melon. "Interesting."

"Right?" She laughed. "Anyway, Tyler keeps looking over here. Just so you know."

I choked on confused melon.

Then I saw it — a plastic bag on the edge of the pool, moving slightly in the breeze. Inside: a single goldfish, swimming in tiny, tragic circles. It had probably won someone a prize at some point, and now it was just... here.

"That's so sad," I said without thinking.

"What's sad?"

"The goldfish. It's literally living in a plastic bag. That's, like, a metaphor for something."

Tyler materialized out of nowhere, dripping pool water and looking unfairly good in a swimsuit. "Are you guys talking about Gary?"

"Gary?" I repeated, because apparently my brain had completely shut down.

"Yeah, I won him at the carnival." He ran a hand through his wet hair. "My mom said I couldn't keep him, so I was gonna set him free later. In a pond. A nice pond. Not, like, the toilet."

"That's actually really responsible," I heard myself say. I was wearing my favorite sunscreen. It had vitamin E in it. I'd read the label five times in the bathroom earlier. It had felt like doing something productive while my stomach did gymnastics.

"Want to help me liberate Gary?" Tyler asked. "There's a pond behind the neighbor's house. It's, uh, kind of an adventure."

Lena mouthed *SAY YES* at me.

"Yes," I said. "Yes, I would very much like to liberate Gary."

As we walked toward the back gate, goldfish bag in hand, Tyler's shoulder brushed against mine. I didn't feel like a zombie anymore. I felt like someone who might, possibly, be having a moment.

"So," Tyler said. "You like papaya?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I think I'm still figuring that out."

He laughed. "Yeah. Me too. About pretty much everything."

And just like that, the summer stopped feeling like the end of the world and started feeling like the beginning of something I didn't have to figure out alone.