Spinach Between Worlds

The oversized hat was supposed to be my vibe. Summer before sophomore year, I decided I needed a glow-up, and vintage bucket hats were it. Or at least, that's what I told myself when I spent thirty bucks of my lifeguard savings on something that made me look like a suburban detective.

"You're like, basically a spy now," Jenna laughed, scrolling through TikTok. We were poolside at her country club, watching the popular kids do their thing. I'd been assigned as her unofficial reconnaissance mission—report back on who hooked up with who, who was fighting, all the tea. Fox, aka Ethan Foxworth III, was currently doing cannonballs off the high dive while everyone pretended not to watch.

I hated how much I cared about being seen. Last year, I was the quiet kid who sat in the back. This summer, I was trying on personalities like they were swimsuits.

"Yo, you want some spinach dip?" Jenna's brother materialized with a tray. "My mom made too much. Again."

The spinach dip was actually good, until I caught my reflection in the sliding glass door. Green flecks stuck between my front teeth like I'd been eating grass clippings. I'd been talking to Fox for like ten minutes earlier, smiling like an idiot, probably looking like I had spinach gum stuck in my braces (which I didn't even have anymore, thank you very much).

I ran to the bathroom, scrubbing until my gums hurt. When I came back, Fox was there, holding my hat.

"You forgot this," he said. "Also, you had spinach in your teeth earlier. Just thought you should know."

I wanted to die. Actually die.

"Thanks," I squeaked. But then he shrugged. "I had brownie in my teeth at graduation last year. My grandpa waved at me from the front row and I smiled like crazy. Everyone has those moments."

He walked off, and I stood there by the water's edge, realizing I'd been so busy trying to spy on everyone else's lives that I hadn't actually been living mine. The hat went in my bag. The spinach dip stayed on my plate. And when Jenna asked for the tea later, I just said, " honestly? Nothing interesting. Just living my life."

First time I'd ever said something that true.