Pyramid Scheme, My Dog Gets It

The social pyramid at Northwood High was real. I lived at the bottom, somewhere between the kids who brought Yu-Gi-Oh cards to lunch and the ones nobody remembered existed. Maya was at the top—cheer captain, straight A's, somehow always smelling like vanilla and success.

"You need these," she said, sliding a bottle across the cafeteria table. "Focus vitamins. They helped me crush the SATs."

I eyed the bottle. Focus Vitamins. The label promised enhanced concentration, better memory, peak performance.

"How much?" I asked.

"Twenty bucks," she said, with that smile that had convinced half the junior class to buy essential oils from her sister's MLM. "I'll throw you in the pyramid scheme tier—sell five bottles, yours is free."

I was desperate. My mom was on my case about grades, and my crush had actually laughed at my joke yesterday. I bought in.

Two weeks later, I'd sold exactly zero bottles. I'd taken every vitamin though, and the only thing I was focusing on was how gullible I was. My grades hadn't improved. My crush had stopped laughing at my jokes and started laughing with someone else.

I walked into my room to find Buster—my ancient, farting chocolate lab—chewing the empty bottle. Vitamin C tablets scattered across my carpet like candy.

"BUSTER!" I yelled, but he just thumped his tail and looked at me with those dopey eyes. Like, what? You weren't using them.

And suddenly I was laughing. Like, actually laughing. Buster waddled over and shoved his wet nose into my hand, and I realized something: my dog had been there through every awkward moment, every rejection, every failed attempt to climb that stupid social pyramid. He never asked me to sell anything. He never cared if I was cool. He just wanted belly rubs and the occasional stolen pizza crust.

The next day, I returned the unused bottles to Maya. "I'm out," I said. "Buster literally ate my inventory."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Your loss."

Maybe. But as Buster snored beside me that night, farting softly in his sleep, I figured I'd already found the only thing that actually made me feel better. No vitamins required.