Orange Hair at the Deep End

The chlorine smell hit me first. Then the laughter. I stood at the gate of Jessica's pool party like I'd walked into the wrong dimension, clutching my vitamin water bottle like it was some kind of shield.

Three weeks ago, I'd dyed my hair orange. Not, like, auburn or whatever, but full-on traffic-cone orange. My mom said I was acting out. I said I was just tired of being invisible. Same thing, really.

"Hey! Orange-head!"

I flinched. It was Tyler, the baseball team's star pitcher, dripping wet and shirtless by the pool's edge. Of course he'd remember me from bio class as the girl who couldn't dissect a frog without hyperventilating.

"It's Maya," I said, wishing I could disappear.

"Right, Maya." He grinned. "You coming in or what?"

I almost bailed. Right then, I almost turned around and walked back to my house where I could safely exist as someone who didn't go to parties. But then I saw Jessica waving from the deep end, her blue hair floating like a mermaid, and something clicked.

I'd taken those vitamin gummies every day for months because I was convinced they'd fix me. Make me normal. Make me someone who didn't panic in groups, someone who could laugh at the right moments. But standing there in my oversized t-shirt, with my ridiculous orange hair and my $7 vitamin water, I realized something.

Nobody actually cared.

Tyler was already cannonballing into the pool, sending water everywhere. Jessica was yelling at someone to turn up the music. Nobody was watching me, waiting for me to mess up.

So I jumped in.

The water was shockingly cold, perfect. I surfaced sputtering while Tyler laughed, and for once, it didn't feel like he was laughing AT me.

"About time," Jessica called out. "We were about to send a search party."

Later, we'd all sit on the deck eating pizza and talking about nothing and everything. Tyler would admit he was failing algebra. Jessica would confess she'd cried over her haircut for three days. And I'd realize that everyone was just pretending they knew what they were doing.

But in that moment, underwater with bubbles rising around me like tiny stars, I finally felt like I could breathe. My orange hair floated around me like a halo, and I didn't hate it. Not even a little bit.

Maybe being visible wasn't so scary after all.