Holding My Breath Under Lights

The cafeteria spinach sat limply on my tray like something that had given up on life entirely. I pushed it around with my fork, trying to look busy, while across the room, Taylor laughed at something Caleb said. Taylor, who played padel every Saturday with his cousins and somehow made even sweatbands look good. Taylor, who was currently looking in my direction, or maybe just past my shoulder at the exit sign.

"You're going to scurry yourself a vitamin deficiency," Maya said, sliding into the seat beside me and dropping a glossy pink bottle onto the table. "My mom says these cleared up her skin in three days."

I examined the bottle. "GlowUp Gummies? Seriously?"

"What? We have swimming regionals next week. I need every advantage I can get." She popped two into her mouth like they were candy. "Besides, Taylor's going to be there."

My face did something involuntary and traitorous. "So?"

"So you've been staring at him since September, Lena." Her voice softened. "Just talk to him. At the meet, if not before."

Easy for her to say. Maya was beautiful and confident and had already kissed three people. I was still trying to figure out how to exist in a body that felt simultaneously too much and not enough.

Friday afternoon, I found myself alone at the pool, laps turning into blur under the harsh fluorescent lights. My arms burned. My lungs burned. Everything burned. I surfaced, gasping, to find someone sitting on the bleachers.

Taylor.

He held up his padel racquet like a peace offering. "Forgot my gear bag Tuesday. You were still here when I left."

I treaded water, suddenly very aware of my swim cap and the fact that my hair looked like a squashed blue mushroom. "I train a lot."

"I noticed." He stood up. "You're Lena, right? From English?"

"Yeah."

"Cool." A pause. "Hey, random question — but do you know anything about Egyptian mythology? Mr. Henderson's extra credit assignment has me stuck on this riddle about the sphinx—"

"I walk on four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three in the evening," I recited automatically. "Man. Crawling as a baby, walking as an adult, with a cane in old age."

Taylor stared at me. Then he grinned, and it was genuinely unfair how good it looked. "You just saved my grade. Seriously."

"No problem."

"Hey." He shifted his weight. "My cousins have extra courts tomorrow morning if you wanted to hit some padel. Unless you have swimming?"

"I'm free." The words came out before I could overthink them. "I'm free tomorrow."

"Cool." He smiled again. "See you at eight, then."

I watched him leave, floating in the quiet pool. The spinach from lunch, the vitamins Maya swore by, the riddle he'd been stuck on for days — somehow they all led here, to this moment, to me finally being seen.

I dove back under, holding my breath until my lungs burned, smiling into the silence.