Goldfish in Zombie Time

The red light on my alarm clock glowed 3:47 AM when I found myself face-to-face with Gilbert.

He was doing that thing again — floating diagonally near the plastic castle, one glassy eye staring like he knew something I didn't. My mom had bought him as a "starter pet" when I started middle school, which was basically her way of saying I wasn't responsible enough for anything that required actual emotional investment.

Gilbert was a goldfish. I was barely functioning.

"You look like hell," Maya had told me earlier that day. She wasn't wrong. Junior year had me in a chokehold, and I was running on caffeine vibes and prayer. My mom kept leaving those gummy vitamin things on my counter — the expensive kind from Target that promised to fix everything from stress to skin clarity. They sat there uneaten, mocking me.

I tapped the glass. Gilbert didn't move.

That's when it hit me: I'd become a zombie. Not the cool kind from movies with the dramatic makeup and interesting backstories. The lame kind — the girl who showed up to school, went through the motions, and came home to stare at a fish that probably hated me. I was existing but not, like, actually living.

The goldfish drifted upward, breaking his diagonal formation. He swam to the top and did that little mouth-opening thing that fish do when they want food.

And suddenly I was crying. Not pretty crying. The ugly kind where your face gets blotchy and you can't breathe properly. Because Gilbert wanted something. He had needs. He was alive in a way I'd forgotten how to be.

I grabbed the fish food. I ate three of the vitamin gummies. I sent Maya a text: "I think I need to start actually living again."

She replied instantly. "Finally. Want to get breakfast before school?"

Gilbert ate his flakes like they were the best thing that ever happened to him. I realized that maybe existing wasn't the problem. Maybe I just needed to want something again.

The goldfish circled his tank. I fell asleep with my phone in my hand, feeling like I might actually wake up for the first time in months.