Goldfish in the Deep End

The chlorine hit my nose before I even stepped through the gate. Taylor's end-of-summer pool party. Everyone who was anyone would be there, including Kai, who'd smiled at me in math class exactly three times since school started.

I tugged at my orange bikini—the same one Maya said made my skin look washed out, my mom said was too revealing, and I thought made me look like a traffic cone. Great. Just the vibe I wanted.

"Carter! You made it!" Taylor splashed water from her floaty throne. "Jump in!"

My stomach did that thing it always did before social situations—like my pet goldfish, Charlie, was swimming frantic circles in his bowl. Charlie who'd died last week because I forgot to feed him while I was overthinking whether to text Kai back. Good job, me.

I dipped a toe in. Cold, but not terrible. Then I saw Kai by the snack table, not even in swim trunks yet, laughing at something Emma said. My stomach dropped. Of course Emma was here. Emma with her perfect hair and her perfect laugh and her perfect ability to talk to guys without feeling like she'd forgotten how to form sentences.

"Carter, you good?" Maya appeared beside me. "You look like you're about to puke."

"Just nervous," I admitted. "And thinking about Charlie."

"Your goldfish?" She raised an eyebrow. "Weird timing, but okay."

I laughed despite myself. "I'm just saying. Charlie had it easy. Small bowl, zero social anxiety, no awkward crush situations."

"Yeah, until he didn't." Maya punched my shoulder. "Stop being weird and get in the pool. Kai keeps looking over here anyway."

My face heated. "He does not."

"Does too. Now get in before I push you."

I jumped.

The water closed over my head, cool and shocking. For a second, everything was muffled and quiet. No expectations, no comparisons, no crushing weight of being fifteen and confused about everything.

Then I broke the surface, sputtering, and Kai was standing at the edge, grinning.

"Finally," he said. "Thought you'd chicken out."

He held out a hand to pull me up. His palm was warm against my wet one.

"Nice orange," he said, eyes flickering to my bikini then back to my face. "Suits you."

I looked at him—really looked at him—and realized his ears were slightly red. Like he was nervous too. Like I wasn't the only one overthinking every interaction, every look, every moment.

"Thanks," I said, suddenly breathless for a whole different reason. "Your turn to jump."

He jumped.

We spent the rest of the afternoon swimming laps and talking about nothing and everything. Charlie would've approved. Even goldfish knew that sometimes you had to take the plunge.