Goldfish in the Deep End

The community pool was where everything happened when you were fifteen and your parents refused to buy you a car. That's where I found myself that July, nursing a tropical papaya smoothie I'd ordered to impress Mia—only to discover it tasted like wet socks mixed with disappointment.

"You hate it, don't you?" She laughed, her sunglasses sliding down her nose.

"No, it's... interesting," I lied. "Very sophisticated."

Because that was the thing about Mia—she was always trying new things, always running toward the next experience while I stood frozen in place, calculating risks. Like her newfound obsession with Tyler, the baseball pitcher who'd just moved here from California and acted like he owned everything, including the deep end where we weren't technically supposed to be hanging out.

I watched him do a cannonball off the diving board, sending water everywhere. My goldfish, Bubbles, had more grace than that, and she literally lived in a bowl.

"You should talk to him," Mia said, like it was that simple. Like she couldn't hear my heart hammering against my ribs like a trapped thing.

"Yeah, no. I'm good."

"What are you afraid of? He's just some guy who throws a ball around."

I looked at Tyler, surrounded by his orbit of loud friends, everyone wanting to be near him. I thought about how I'd spent my entire life keeping to the shallow end, staying where my feet could touch bottom, where nothing could sweep me away.

"I'm not afraid," I said, and it was half-true. "I just don't see the point."

But the real truth—the one I couldn't say out loud—was that I was tired of watching everyone else be brave. Tired of being the goldfish in a bowl while everyone else swam in the ocean.

So I drained my awful smoothie, stood up, and walked toward the deep end where Tyler was climbing out of the pool, water dripping from his stupid perfect hair.

"Nice cannonball," I heard myself say. "My goldfish could do better."

He stared at me for a second. Then he grinned. "Challenge accepted."

Sometimes you have to jump into the deep end even when you can't see the bottom. Sometimes you have to order the papaya smoothie even if it might taste terrible. And sometimes, just sometimes, the water isn't as scary as you imagined.