Goldfish in My Skin

The goldfish had been floating sideways for three days when Maya finally decided to flush it. It was her brother's, technically, but since he'd left for college and forgotten about it, the task fell to her. She watched the orange scales disappear and felt weirdly guilty, like she'd failed some invisible test of responsibility.

"You okay?" Lena asked from the bathroom doorway, her voice muffled by the hoodie she was wearing. A bear, because life wasn't already enough of a joke. A literal bear face on a sixteen-year-old's sweatshirt.

"Just saying goodbye to Goldie II," Maya said, washing her hands. "Also, your hoodie is a mood."

Lena flipped her off playfully. "It's comfort wear. Unlike you, I don't need to dress like I'm going to a photoshoot just to buy Vitamin Water."

They walked to the corner store, the heat already thick even though it was barely noon. Maya was thinking about how her mom had started leaving those gummy vitamin things on her nightstand, like Maya might suddenly forget to take care of herself the moment she turned seventeen. Like maybe she'd just wither away without proper supplements.

The crush thing with Jason wasn't going anywhere anyway. He'd liked her Instagram story from last week - the one with her dog doing that weird howl thing - and she'd spent three days overanalyzing what it meant. Probably nothing. He liked everyone's stories.

"Can I tell you something without you making it weird?" Lena said suddenly, stopping in front of the store.

Maya shrugged. "Depends on the definition of weird."

Lena pulled up her sleeve, and there it was - a tiny tattoo, barely healed, on her inner wrist. A goldfish. Goldie II, eternal.

"Your mom is going to literally end you," Maya said, impressed despite herself.

"That's the point," Lena said, and for a second Maya saw something real behind the jokes. "I'm tired of being the person who never does anything. Who never takes up space."

They stood there while the air conditioning hummed through the open door, while somewhere a dog barked at nothing, while Maya thought about all the things she wanted to say and never did. About how growing up felt like waiting for something that never came. About how some days she felt like she was just floating sideways, hoping someone would finally notice she needed more than just food and light.

"So," Maya said finally. "Does this mean we're doing rebellious things now? Because I've been wanting to dye my hair purple since eighth grade."

Lena grinned, and for once, it wasn't a joke. "I've got purple dye at my place. And my parents are out until dinner."

Maya thought about the vitamins waiting on her nightstand. About Jason liking her story. About how her life was supposed to start any day now, really, any minute.

"Let's do it," she said, and they walked into the store together, leaving childhood somewhere in the heat behind them.