Goldfish Confessions

I was definitely crossing a line. Okay, maybe 'spy' is a strong word, but when your best friend since elementary school starts posting cryptic stuff on Finsta and practically disappears from group chats, you get curious. So sue me.

Three weeks ago, Sarah deleted her main Instagram. Then she started showing up to school with those expensive gummies you can only get at the organic grocery store two towns over. 'They're vitamins,' she'd say when Maya asked, tucking her hair behind her ear like she was hiding something. 'My mom wants me to take them.'

I was 'running' circles around myself trying to figure out what was actually going on. The old Sarah—the one who'd won that goldfish at the spring carnival sixth grade, named it Captain Fin, and accidentally gave it a funeral when it 'went to live on a farm'—would have told me everything.

But high school Sarah? She was becoming someone else, and I wasn't sure if I was allowed to still be her friend.

The burner account felt like crossing a line until I actually saw what she was posting. Not cool parties or aesthetic photos. Just pictures of empty supplement bottles, captioned 'Day 17' or 'Still tired.' A post from two days ago: 'Does anyone else feel like they're disappearing?'

My stomach dropped.

I'd been so wrapped up in feeling left behind that I hadn't noticed she was struggling. The vitamins weren't some influencer thing—they were because she'd been diagnosed with anemia. The deleted Instagram wasn't about excluding me—it was about feeling invisible.

My goldfish, Bubbles (replacement Captain Fin, junior division), swam to the front of his bowl like he knew something I didn't. 'You're a good friend,' I told him, already typing Sarah's real number instead of stalking her posts.

'Hey,' I wrote. 'Captain Fin's replacement says we should hang.'

Three dots appeared. Then: 'I've missed you. I thought you forgot about me.'

Some friends drift. Some friends disappear. And sometimes you have to almost lose them to realize how hard you'll fight to get them back.