Deep End Courage

The invitation had been sitting in my phone for three days: Emma's pool party. The social event of the summer before sophomore year. I'd been staring at it like it was a bomb I had to disarm.

"You're going, right?" Maya asked, flopping onto my bed while I agonized over my swimsuit for the fiftieth time. My cat Luna wound around her legs, demanding attention like she always did when someone came over.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Pool parties are basically everyone judging each other's bodies in wet fabric. It's weird."

Maya rolled her eyes. "You're overthinking it. It's just hanging out. Besides, Jordan will be there."

That was the problem. Jordan. The one I'd been crushing on since last year's math class, when they helped me understand quadratic equations and somehow made it feel like I wasn't completely incapable. The thought of seeing Jordan outside of school, in a swimsuit, while I stood there feeling like an awkward potato, made my stomach hurt.

"I literally cannot bear the awkwardness if things get weird," I said, hiding my face in a pillow.

"You're being dramatic," Maya said, though not unkindly. "Just show up. Hang by the snacks if the water situation is stressing you out. No one's forcing you in."

The pool party was worse than I'd imagined. Everyone looked confident and comfortable, splashing around like they'd been born in chlorine. I stayed glued to the edge of the patio, nursing a soda like it was my lifeline. Even Luna would've been more social than I was being.

Then Jordan emerged from the water, slicking back wet hair, and headed straight for me.

"Hey," Jordan said, smiling like I wasn't the most awkward person at the party. "You coming in?"

"Um," I said intelligently. "I'm not really feeling it."

"The pool's not that deep," Jordan said, dipping feet into the water. "I can teach you if you want. I know you're afraid of the deep end."

My face burned. I'd mentioned that once. Months ago. "You remembered?"

"Yeah." Jordan's smile shifted, something softer behind it. "I remember a lot of things about you."

The air between us felt different suddenly, charged with something I hadn't expected. The background noise of splashing and laughter faded away.

"Okay," I heard myself say. "But if I drown, you're explaining everything to my cat."

Jordan laughed, and it was the best sound I'd heard all summer. "Deal."

I stepped into the water, and for the first time all day, I wasn't thinking about how awkward I looked. I was thinking about how sometimes the scariest things — deep ends, crushes, putting yourself out there — are exactly where you find your courage.